Hey Cheryl!
Glad to have you here on the forum!
First of all, it's difficult to say whether you are "too heavy," but most poles can handle up to 250lbs or so, and be perfectly fine. If you're above that, you can always participate in different ways- you can do floor work and simpler moves on the pole that don't require your body weight to be full on the pole, until you feel comfortable and safe moving up ;)
Any kind of movement can really help with weight loss, and a lot of pole dance is going to use your muscles in the same kinds of ways that strength training does- be prepared for sore muscles and feeling deliciously well worked! Some women are afraid of putting on "bulk" by lifting weights, or doing exercises that would be similar to strength training... and there's an article you must read if this is something you're concerned about: http://www.girlsgonestrong.com/heavy-bulky/
Pole dance can also be used to get your cardio on, it's all in the way you work it! By doing things faster that tax your muscles a bit less, you will find that you can get a good cardio workout. Most of us sit somewhere in the middle of cardio and strength training when we pole dance!
You can certainly use just the lessons here on the site! They are all put in order of difficulty, so you work from the very beginning and move forward as you feel you can!
Other good resources, for those of us who aren't doing studio classes (for various reasons), could also be Jamilla DeVilles Pole DVD's are also a good way to learn, as she explains things carefully and clearly. It can be a bit tough with the DVD though, because you don't really have anyone to ask questions of.
Which is a great point of being here: You can ask anything, or search the forums, and we'll more than likely have an answer for you! We are all here for troubleshooting and moral support ;)
As for purchasing a pole, there are three main companies that we trust in North America for making safe, sturdy, and useable poles. You must remember: We are trusting our safety to these poles! Nothing less than excellence will do, because there have been some bad accidents with people using less-than-great poles from companies that just want to make a stupid buck.
So, the three trusted ones are Lil Mynx, X-Pole, and Platinum stages. All three have their advantages and drawbacks!
Lil Mynx poles generally come as one single piece, and have an "extender pole" in the middle so that you can adjust to the exact height of your ceiling. Obviously, this also means you don't want one that is too tall! Studio Veena has previously worked with Lil Mynx, and I've personally had one of their poles for quite a long time. I like how it works, but not everyone does. Having a single 8 foot piece of pole can be a little cumbersome, but I also feel happy not having to put anything together. This pole goes up by way of a bracket that is bolted into a stud in the ceiling. It's very easy to clean up if you move, too. They also have Powder coated poles, which I prefer personally (very grippy!) but not everyone enjoys (too much grip would make spins very hard and possibly painful, it depends on how you react to it).
Xpole is one of the most popular poles, both in the wider community, and on this site. Their poles don't require any bolts or anything else, but do still require a stud in the ceiling. They come in pieces, are put together easily, and can be taken down quickly. They also have multiple finishes, but I don't think they have powder coated.
Platinum stages... I actually haven't heard much from in a while, but I know they're still around, and still selling a quality product!
If you have any other questions, feel free to ask :)
OH and before I forget: You can check out the lessons here for free for 3 days, using the code GET3FREE, just in case you want to check them out!!
